There are some things that people just do not talk about. Topics that people avoid because of discomfort. Because they don’t know what to say. Because they aren’t really sure how to wrap their minds around what has happened.
Miscarriage, stillbirth, and the early loss of a child are situations that are undoubtedly near the top of that list of topics to avoid. But for the women and families who have experienced such loss, the grief is very real and is often very lonely. Sometimes nobody (or only a very select few) knows. Other times different understanding of what has happened can lead to hurtful words or avoidance.
Even now, five and four years after losses that left our family reeling, I feel very hesitant to share our story. In some ways it doesn’t even feel like mine to tell, as it was my wife who experienced that loss within her body. She was the one who had already begun to feel that physical and emotional connection with those tiny people who we would never have the chance to meet on this side of heaven. As sad as I felt, it was she who truly bore that pain of loss.
But I guess that’s one of the things that make something like miscarriage so disorienting. We don’t always have the right terms to talk about it. We don’t know whose story it is. We don’t know who will listen and understand and care in a way that acknowledges the reality of the loss.
The Still Remembered Project gets this. The women who operate this new Pittsburgh organization understand the sympathy and support needed to help with healing a broken heart, because they have experienced it as well. It is because of her loss that Lauren McLean initially helped form a Christian-based support group for grieving families.
From this support group, a larger mission grew that seeks to offer comfort to grieving families in a number of different fashions. In fact, there are now six different projects to help families heal that come under the Still Remembered Project umbrella.
Still Supported – Still Supported is a monthly peer support group for women who have experienced the loss of a baby (at any gestational stage). It’s a place to share, or listen. An opportunity to be around others who have experienced something similar to you and can understand, at least in part, the loss that you are experiencing. Even if your loss was not recent, you are welcome to attend.
Still Missed – Still Missed focuses specifically on families who are experiencing a miscarriage. One way they do this is by placing care packages with local hospitals and OB offices that can be shared with women after they learn of their miscarriage. It is a small gift to let her know that she is not alone, and that there are people who care about her and the child that was lost.
Still Remembered Memory Boxes – These are provided as bereavement boxes for families after a stillbirth or the death of a newborn. Mothers who experienced a similar loss create the boxes, filling them with items they believe will help the family memorialize the lost child.
Still Family – The Still Family project recognizes that it isn’t always just the mother and father who are disoriented by the loss of a child in pregnancy. There is support available for all family members, but with a special focus on the siblings. When possible, the hospital will provide a sibling bag to families that includes some comforting items and a book titled “We were gonna have a baby, but We had an angel instead.”
Still Together – Still Together is the community outreach portion of the Still Remembered Project. Here they seek to partner with medical professionals, hospitals, and other organizations to provide advocacy, education, and awareness of the fact that 25% of women in the United States experience some form of infant loss.
Stitched with Love – Stitched with Love donates handmade knitted, crocheted, and sewn baby blankets to hospitals to be given to families with the belief that every baby, no matter how brief their life, should have a cozy blanket. And every family should have a handmade keepsake to help with remembering their child.Please refer to the Still Remembered Project website for greater details on all of these projects and more. There is a wide variety of ways that you can donate or volunteer your time in support of local bereaved families. And if you or your family have experienced this sort of a loss, please reach out. You will be welcomed and heard.
On a very personal level, I commend this group to you if you’re grieving this type of loss or know of somebody who is. Their sensitivity and genuine care was obvious in my interactions with them. Sometimes we want to grieve alone. But at other times it’s helpful to share, and remember that you are not alone.